tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240276248671072314.post8280320169075383910..comments2014-02-07T07:51:55.364-08:00Comments on Brian Bodacious BRO BLOG: updates version of treasure x Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17801452300434259195noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240276248671072314.post-87962749937867437912014-02-07T07:51:55.364-08:002014-02-07T07:51:55.364-08:00well its not done yet, but I will take into consid...well its not done yet, but I will take into consideration the advice you gave meAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801452300434259195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240276248671072314.post-26073320116112003422014-02-07T04:55:01.941-08:002014-02-07T04:55:01.941-08:00Hi Brian! I think that one of your tale's stro...Hi Brian! I think that one of your tale's strongest aspects is your voice. Your unique story telling style flows throughout the whole piece and makes it fun and interesting to read. <br /><br />I think that you have a really intriguing concept here. Pirates and revenge are great idea to wrap your story around. As you continue to draft, there are a few things you could consider. <br /><br />First, as a reader I really want to know more about Syrus.Even though its a short story, you have a chance to create a well rounded and developed character. Think about a few of Syrus's strengths, weakness and motivations to fill out his personality. <br /><br />Secondly, I found myself a little jolted at the end of your story. Syrus has just lost his parents and escaped the pirates, landed on a small island and built a boat, and suddenly his boat sinks? It just felt very sudden to me. It's not Syrus's fate that bothered me; if that is what you have in mind for your story ending that is absolutely fine! I would just like to hear a little bit more about it. MsThomann91https://www.blogger.com/profile/13578009468038937665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240276248671072314.post-53025271845434277652014-02-05T16:08:27.010-08:002014-02-05T16:08:27.010-08:001 conflict was syrus had his parents killed and he...1 conflict was syrus had his parents killed and he wants reveng<br />2 the main character didnt change much<br />3 the feel and the setting i like pirates<br />4 the mental imagery<br />5 love it while you have it<br />6 Add more and explain moreAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801452300434259195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3240276248671072314.post-83552952266158915912014-02-05T12:40:52.448-08:002014-02-05T12:40:52.448-08:001.) There was no clear conflict in the story.
2.)...1.) There was no clear conflict in the story. <br />2.) The protagonist did not really change over the course of the story. <br />3.) My favorite part of the story was the opening. I found it funny how brian said syrus our protagonist.<br />4.) The best quality of the story was that it was funny to read!<br />5.) I think the story's theme was piraots taking over.<br />6.) I think the story did not really make sense to me. Maybe you could add a little more to make the story make better sense!(:Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01352948963825356559noreply@blogger.com